Psychics Are Traitors

Every Wednesday on the Montel Williams show, he has Sylvia Browne on as a guest. She is a world renowned psychic, with scores of published books and a phone number you can call to get your very own psychic reading for $850. She's probably the most famous psychic in the world. And she is a fraud, just like every other psychic in the world.

Some of you have noticed that my articles here have been a little more tame recently. Some people have even complained about it. To those who miss the old fire and brimstone, condemning for not walking in a straight line, spitting fire at puppies Chris, are you ever going to like this one! The gloves are off; there's no such thing as a psychic, and Sylvia Browne is a con artist.

Sylvia Browne's 2007 political predictions

The theory of being a psychic is basically the claim that you know something you're not supposed to. About the future, about another person, about the past, about an object... whatever. Usually it's a claim to know the future, sometimes it's a claim to know what people are thinking/writing/drawing/etc, sometimes it's something else. The basis, and the appeal is the whole idea of "forbidden knowledge."

Here are the facts: There is no way to know what someone else is thinking, and there is no such thing as having supernatural powers. The only two ways to be a psychic are to be told beforehand, or to cheat. Anyone who claims to have such power is a fucking liar, who thinks you're a gullible moron. There's a supposed mentalist named Uri Geller who claims his psychic abilities mean he can copy pictures other people have drawn, bend spoons and keys, change which direction a compass points, restart stopped watches, and all kinds of neat tricks. ...No, wait, actually that's pretty much his whole bag of tricks. He does all of those things by cheating.

Not only is he a fraud, but he's a proven fraud. In the video below, James Randi made him look like a fucking idiot on The Tonight Show by not allowing him to touch the props beforehand. Criss Angel made him and Jim Callahan look like tools on Uri's and Criss' show "Phemonenon". And all Criss did was apply an immediate version of the Million Dollar Challenge. So what's the Million Dollar Challenge?

Uri Geller and Peter Popoff exposed

James Randi is a magician, and the founder of the James Randi Educational Foundation, an organization basically dedicated to debunking supposed psychics and educating the public on how things are really done. The Million Dollar Challenge is a JREF-sponsored open invitation for anybody to demonstrate under controlled conditions that they have provable psychic power of any sort. If you win, you get a million dollars.

The challenge has been going for nigh 20 years, and nobody has ever collected. I came close once by claiming I could identify which people were assholes, but there was no way to tell if my high accuracy by saying "everyone" was a result of special powers or statistical probability. He has a page on Sylvia Browne too, incidentally.

So why do I hate self-proclaimed psychics so much? Because they fuck people up. They tell people things will happen, and those people make plans based on that prediction, and when the prediction doesn't come true they're fucked. Sylvia Browne told some parents whose kid was kidnapped that the kid was dead and could be found buried in the desert. The parents were destroyed, and then the kid ended up being found just a few days later very much alive. She lied to those people and destroyed their lives, because that's what she does: tell fucking lies for personal gain.

My 2008 Predictions

The sun will fail to explode
Every day, someone will die
Every day, someone will be born
You will live to see tomorrow
November will still happen
Cheese will remain tasty
Billions will eat every day
George W. Bush is an idiot
What's with airline food?
Things will get boring, then exciting, then boring again

You know what, psychics? Fuck you. You want to go around saying things that aren't true? Be an actor. Make sure people know you're a fraud and a hypocrite. And if you're living in the United States, you're also a treasonous traitor. You were convicted on 9/11. Did you know that? Let me explain:

As a citizen of the United States, you have an obligation to alert the authorities if you are aware of any terrorist act that's being planned. As a psychic, you quite clearly had foreknowledge that 9/11 was going to happen. The fact you knew about it and did nothing makes you a traitor to your country, and I believe traitors are executed. Unless, of course, you aren't really a psychic at all.

The only way you're off the hook for this if you admit that you don't have any psychic abilities, and thus there would be no expectation that you would be able to see that 9/11 was going to happen. Which would of course mean admitting that you're a fraud and a charlitan; a piece of filth who makes a living at the expense and misery of those around you. I shit more ethical than you.

So then, Sylvia Browne, Uri Geller, and the rest of you psychics out there: what's it going to be? Are you a psychic and a traitor, or are you a fraud and a con artist? Of course, either way you're an asshole, and I have no respect for you.

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