How to Make the News (getting Gizmodo banned from CES)

When I started this website, I was ready to incur the wrath of people everywhere for basically insulting them to their keyboards. I even set up an email address "youarestupid@howtonotsuck.com" to respond to them with. Imagine my surprise when I found out that I was actually speaking FOR the masses, rather than against them. So far I've only received one hatemail, and that person was clinically retarded as far as I can tell. And so it is with great pride that I now speak for the entire internet universe:

FUCK GIZMODO!

Now, if you haven't been keeping up with your tech blogs you may be unsure what I'm talking about there. Allow me to sum up by directing you to this page on Gizmodo's website. Basically, they took a universal remote with them to CES in Las Vegas last week and used it to turn off every TV they found. Especially display TVs in companys' booths. Including TVs being actively used for presentations as those presentations took place.

Now I wasn't at CES nor do I particularly care about the convention, but I find their actions... I'll say "morally disagreeable." In this case those words are summing up about a two hundred word diatribe on immaturity, stupidity, juvenilism, having a small penis, and still having your Mom cut up your food for you before you eat it.

Basically what it comes down to is this: turning off the TV with a remote was perhaps funny when you were 12 and did it to a teacher in school, but CES is entirely, 100% different. Corporations are banking on CES as leverage to score multi-million dollar deals and promote their products; millions of dollars are on the line. Disrupting every presentation you see for what you call a "prank" could be costing the companies giving those presentations more money than you will ever see in your entire life. True, TVs can be turned back on with little tangible harm done, but the interruption makes the company lose face and credibility. After all, what kind of technology company can't figure out how to keep their TV on?

I first found out about this incident from a journal post on roosterteeth.com, because quite frankly the only time I've visited Gizmodo before last Thursday was when they destroyed their pre-release Halo 3 equipment (you can find that link yourself). I was so disgusted by what I saw there that I went on a mission to get Gizmodo banned from CES for the rest of eternity, and sued by every company I could identify in the video (which ended up being Intel, Panasonic, Motorola, Sony and DISH Network). This, I knew, would be remarkably easy. All it took was sending some emails to the right places. Here's the email I sent to those five companies:

The people who messed with the CES presentation are Gizmodo. They have a video up on their website of them messing with every TV they saw with a universal remote. Video evidence is at (link)

So the companies know who is responsible, and they can pursue legal action or warn other conventions as necessary. The email I sent to CES is a little more relevant, so I'm going to include a screenshot of it rather than just the text:

The email I sent to CES at 2:07AM on January 11, 2007

That email was sent to them at 2:07AM on the morning of Friday, January 11th. By 11:30 that morning, the person from Gizmodo who was responsible was banned for life from CES. That was my personal doing, Brian Lam, and I'd tell you to suck my cock if I wasn't so sure I'd get syphilis. As of this moment at least Sony and Motorola have forwarded my emails to the appropriate divisions to consider whether to sue Gizmodo's ass out of existence, and whether to file criminal charges for disrupting their corporate presentations.

Messing with the TV while your Dad is watching the baseball game when you're 8 years old is funny. Fucking with multi-million dollar corporations trying to advance their businesses isn't. What are you, a toddler? Are you really as stupid as the world now believes you are? I am not the exception for feeling the way I did, I'm just the exception for having the fucking stones to tear you down to the ground for doing it.

So fuck Gizmodo. Fuck them up their loose, extremely homosexual asses. Grab a steel pipe and cram it up their greasy rectums. Shove barbed wire through their anal sphincters until you reach mouth, then pull it out from the top. They'd rather get their rocks off by fucking with corporations at major events than try to maintain at least some resemblance of maturity? Then I have no use for them. Selfishness and inconsiderateness are two of the three qualifications for sucking as far as this site is concerned. At least they're not lazy; using a remote is tiring business.

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