You Look Like A Clown

Someone once asked me if I preferred legs or breasts. I told him I don't discriminate against poultry, and called him a racist. Then he said he was talking about women. The fact is, the first thing I look at when looking at women is their hair. Personally, I like long hair that's well taken care of, and if it's black that's a bonus. The second thing I look at is the train wreck most women call their face.

Now, I'm not saying women are ugly. On the contrary, most women are fine looking people. The problem is how many of those women have no fucking clue how to properly apply their make-up, which makes them look completely ridiculous.

The key to applying make-up is to look like you're not wearing any make-up at all. If I look at your face, I shouldn't be able to tell that it's not your normal skin, lips, eyes, nose, or cheeks. Tragedy strikes when you've done it wrong, and you make your face look fake. Like this:

Mimi from the Drew Carey Show
(Mimi, from the Drew Carey Show. Originally found here)

Your make-up should not be caked on so thick that I could wade up to my ankles in your face. If I want to date a commemorative plate, I'll contact Time/Life and order some. I don't want to run the risk of gumming up my face just from kissing you, and nobody else does either. I don't even know how you can feel normal wearing a layer of powder and who knows what else all over your face.

Personally, I prefer women who don't wear any make-up at all. It means they're confident enough in their appearance to not have to cover every inch of their face with shit I've never even heard of before, just to feel good about themselves. You are who you are, and you look how you look. Get used to it, you're stuck with it for life. The only thing my girlfriend puts on every day is chap stick.

Women, I am going to dispel a belief some of you have had driven in to you since your tits showed up. Wearing large amounts of make-up does not communicate "I want to make myself look pretty." Wearing large amounts of make-up communicates "I think I look like shit, and I need to cover up my normal face in order to look acceptable."

More to the point, if you put on so much make-up that you look like a freak, people will be too busy gawking at how shitty your face looks to pay attention to anything else, such as what you say. If you look like shit, people's impression of you will reflect that, and that impression will spill over to everything else related to you. Do you really want your CEO to be more focused on how poorly you've hidden your face than on what you have to offer the company?

The lesson here is simple: if you're going to use make-up, learn how to fucking use it! It's truly sad when you actually suck at looking like a human being.

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