Too Many Douches

Every once in a while, I learn something that surprises me. Like when I found out cracking your knuckles doesn't actually contribute to arthritis, or that there are people who think not everyone deserves to be healthy. Today I learned another such thing, and not only was I surprised, I was actually revolted by it. I actually found it repulsive. Apparently, I'm a nice guy.

Now, I don't want you thinking that I'm not a nice guy - or that I am one, actually; I want you to form your own opinion about me, as long as it includes that I'm pretty great. It wasn't that I was told I'm a nice guy that I found upsetting; it was the fact that apparently, being a nice guy was noteworthy enough for me to be told about it in the first place.

Nice guys kick your ass
Nice guys kick your ass

Let me give you some context here, so you know what the fuck I'm talking about (nice guys always swear a lot). Some time ago, I asked out a woman who I'm friends with, and she said no. In response I basically said "that sucks, I guess we carry on as usual then." And that was it: I asked her out, she said no, we're still friends.

There were a few people who knew I was interested in her, and after it happened, I told them the outcome. One of them said that she was glad we were going to stay friends, because a lot of guys would get hostile and stop talking to a girl who turned them down. I replied that I like the way I'm friends with her, so I'm okay with that.

Then, some time later, I realized something: why did this friend of mine feel it necessary to go out of her way to congratulate me on not being a douchebag? So I asked her: am I really in the minority for not having my head so far up my ass that as soon as someone refuses to go out with me I cut them loose and never speak to them again? And she said yes; yes I am. I am so far in the minority that it's fucking frightening.

The Gospel From My Friend

So MOST GUYS, and I'm serious here, believe in the "friendzone." Which is a horrible thing that makes chicks feel like the only reason a guy would want to stick around is to get sex. Then, when a guy gets shot down, he sees himself as the nice guy in the friendzone, which means she is a bitch for not liking such a nice guy. And then he ignores her.

I'm telling you this is most guys I've met or my friends have met and my guy friends admit to this. POINT IS: Nice guys don't ignore chicks the minute they won't return feelings/sexual whatever. So you are a nice guy. A real one.

Me: Well I am pretty great.

XD I think when men feel emasculated, the only way to shrug it off is to say "Well she was a bitch." And then obviously, who would want to be with a bitch? So he is off the hook because he 'dodged a bullet' or whatever. It is a confusing system.

Me: I guess that's a word for it.

The standard reaction to not getting a date is to blow that person off entirely? Are you fucking kidding me? I can't even count the number of ways that's stupid. For one, if you're a fucking douchebag to her, she's going to tell all her friends about you, probably complete with rumours about the size of your dick. And you won't be able to find out or defend yourself (which you'd probably do by whipping it out in public, because you're a retard), because you stopped talking to her the moment she closed her legs against you.

She won't fuck you, so she must be a bitch? Take your head out of your ass you fucking idiot! Maybe the reason she doesn't want your cock inside her is because you're the kind of guy who thinks anyone who doesn't suck him off isn't worth the time it takes to be friends with. Maybe your own self-important bullshit is the reason she doesn't want you near any place on her there's an opening.

The average mail, apparently
The average male, apparently

And did it occur to you, even just once, that even though she said no today, perhaps she might say yes in the future? The "Friend Zone" doesn't exist. People's opinions of each other change constantly, and just because she's not interested now, that doesn't mean she won't be interested later.

Being a nice guy for not cutting a girl off after she shoots you down should not be anything noteworthy, it should be the fucking norm. I obviously can't say with certainty whether the proportion of people with their heads so far up their asses they can give themselves a spit-colonic is as high as my friend says it is, but if that number is higher than about 2%, then it's way too fucking high. I actually feel like I should be apologizing on behalf of my gender for so many of us being assrags.

If you're one of those people who's an asshole to women who refuse to fuck them, then grab a carrot and go fuck yourself. The truth is that if you don't see fit to keep talking to a woman when there's no promise of sex attached, then you don't fucking deserve her. Go jump off a cliff.

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