Hatemail is Funny

Considering what I say on this site, I'm surprised I don't get more hate mail. Seriously. I sometimes write an article just to provoke hate mail, and none comes. I get a lot of email from people saying they love what I'm doing though, so I guess I'm doing something right by insulting everyone all the time. Fortunately, the hate mail I do get is absolutely awesome.

This email came in to me late Friday night. First I'll put up the whole thing, unedited, then I'll dissect it in to small idiot-sized pieces.

From: Seth Arp
Subject: your webpage

December 12, 2008 hatemail

First of all, some paragraphs would have been nice here. For someone who's telling me I'm an idiot, you'd think he'd be going out of his way to write as intelligently and well as possible so as not to look like a hypocrite. Also way to write the entire message in the signature area of the email: classy. Now, let's take a closer look at this:

Hate Mail

Hate mail (as electronic, posted, or otherwise) is a form of harassment, usually consisting of invective and potentially intimidating or threatening comments towards the recipient. Hate mail often contains exceptionally abusive, foul or otherwise hurtful language.

The recipient may receive disparaging remarks concerning the subject's ethnicity, sexuality, religion, intelligence, political ideology, or sense of ethics. The text of hate mail often contains profanity, or it may simply contain a negative, disappropriating message.

I saw your website while searching for "lazy inventions" on google. I'm writing an editorial for a class about lazy inventions, and I'd have to say that your website has the most idiotic reasoning I've ever heard.

Do go on. This is the article in question. I'll also notice that the only item on the list you don't go after me for is the only one that arguably had no place being there, namely sliced bread. Way to hit your targets.

As far as TV and internet go, I agree there is a lot of stupid crap on there (i.e. YOUR WEBSITE). However, would you rather wait 2 days by the postmaster for an important message or 2 seconds via e-mail (for example you can read this message now instead of waiting for a letter from me that would probably explode on you)?

Ah, people who threaten my life. Why are you so few and far between?

I don't think you realize that next to the cell phone, TV and the Internet are the largest global network communication systems we have and in some cases are necessary.

First of all, the cell phone is not a "global network communication system." The cell phone is a tool that lets you access a global communication network, just like a computer is a tool that lets you access the internet. Secondly, here are the first two sentences of my comments on the internet in the article in question: "What's that, you say? Arguably the most important communication tool in history is the second worst invention?" Way to read the article you're responding to.

Would you rather be uninformed and wait another day for a message that could affect the way you live right now or watch TV and find it out within minutes?

I'll tell you what: send me an email about the last time you received a message via the internet that affected the way you live, that couldn't have waited a day to be transported by mail, and that couldn't have been transmitted by radio. Go on, I'll wait. While you're thinking, allow me to enlighten you about some things:

First of all, more people have radios than have TVs or computers. If something life-altering is going on, it can still be transmitted instantly, to more people at once, by radio than by the internet. Secondly, email can be ignored; paper mail cannot be. You actually have to do something with a letter you receive in the mail, while email can be ignored with a single mouse click. Third, we were doing just fine with paper newspapers for almost 400 years before the internet was invented. The internet makes news communication faster, but it's certainly not necessary.

The purpose for the escalator was not to make people lazy. It was designed because it was safer to stand on one step and move upward than have a potential hazard of running up or down a regular flight of stairs.

Escalators are safer, you say? Escalators carry all the danger of stairs, plus they have moving parts and motors. People have died and been seriously injured from escalator malfunctions, or from getting their clothing caught in it. Swing and a miss for you, good buddy.

Handicapped doors, we kind of see eye to eye there. There are some lazy people that do push that button, but the majority of people do use their hands.

Tell that to the 80% of people I've counted who push the button to keep the door open when it's already open, purely out of reflex. Or the 100% of people who go through the door when it's not already open who push the button, whether they later use their hand to open the door more quickly or not. I've personally seen people with both hands free and nothing wrong with them push the button, then wait patiently for the door to finish swinging open before going through.

So before you go writing about things you think you have the whole story on, observe both sides and not just your opinion and actually think about it.

Way to completely miss the point of that article. You see, there's this thing called "satire" you should look up. It also looks like you should take your own advice, hypocrite.


1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly


1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
My opinion of your site is that you could actually used normal, civilized language and not vulgar crap. Also why are you complaining about the internet and its crap when you put a site like this on there and actually use it (think about it dipshit)?

I have never before seen anyone undercut their own point as quickly as you have here. You tell me I shouldn't use vulgar language, and then in the very next sentence you call me a dipshit? I've mentioned hypocrisy already, right?

Personally, my advice to you is get over yourself. If you can't deal with society just live in your own little world where bread is unsliced and all the doors must be opened manually. But you probably won't get this because your out manually writing about why the world sucks and you THINK you're the smartest man alive. So get over yourself and stop complaining dumbass!

Said the pot to the kettle: "You're awfully black!" You missed the point of my article, invented arguments against it that aren't even remotely valid, tried to condescend to me about how I'm clearly an idiot, and then tell me to get over myself? I'm sorry if your world view is so fragile it can't take examination and criticism, but don't try to take your insecurities out on me, thank you very much.

Greg Buturini p.s. I wouldn't brag about your testicles until you see mine. And, your website makes you look like a big dumbass!

I thought your name was Seth? And why are you offering to show me your testicles? And since when do I walk around wearing my website? Also, again with the vulgar language. I swear, some people just have no decency.

In my opinion, there are few things as funny as a stupid person who thinks they're smart. And there's nothing more irritating than a very stupid person who thinks they're smart. Thank you, Seth/Greg, for fitting in to the first category. This article wouldn't have been the same if you didn't.

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