Lazy Is NOT A Disability

Five days a week I take the train to work. Well, actually I take the train to the Train Station, and then walk to work. I have a 20 minute walk each way, and a little more than half of that is indoors. People in this city must all be suffering from the same lethargy, because that handicap door is always fucking open.

Actually, that's not true. There are at least 5 handicap doors along the way, all of which are constantly being opened by people too lazy to do something as simple as push. Handicap doors have a button that's used to open them, and I swear every single one must be replaced five times a year.

Now, let me explain something. The handicap door is there for precisely one reason: to allow people with physical disabilities to easily and safely go from one side of the set of doors to the other side. People in wheelchairs, who are physically incapable of pushing or pulling the door open because they are technically vehicles. The handicap door is not there to make some lazy-ass fucker's life a touch easier because they don't have the will to do anything for themselves.

Every day I watch people approach the doors, most of which are open and constantly have people going through them, and instead of going through one of those doors they press the button to open the magical automatical fantastical super-door that clearly exists for the sole purpose of saving them a hundredth of a calorie of physical exertion.

Even more than that, people will approach the handicap door in an already-open state, and press the button again out of reflex! Everyone is so used to having things done for them (who here ever cooks at home? Just heating something up doesn't count) that it's almost unthinkable to have to open a door for yourself. Just as bad, if there are three sets of doors without a handicap door, and only the left hand door of each set is open, nobody is willing to open the right-hand door! Everyone would rather be funnelled in to three doors because it's easier than opening another fucking door.

It is unfortunate, but not surprising, that so many people suck at going through a door. There are a few ways to stop people from taking advantage of the poor handicap doors. First, if you see someone trying to do so, go through ahead of them and pull the door shut behind you, and stay there until they go around. All these doors have security cameras, so if that person decides to lay the smack down on you, it's on camera that they threw the first punch, and you can take them to jail on assault charges. This is by far the most amusing solution, and definitely the one I support.

A similar solution is to smack people in the back of the head for being stupid when they do it. A verbal slap is good too. Many's the times I've turned to someone pushing the handicap button and said "How fucking lazy are you?" One female (too stupid to be a woman) once said "Very" with a huge grin on her face, as if it were an endearing quality to have. Fucking moron.

The third solution, and the one that probably should be implemented, is to make the handicap button nothing more than a request. Like I said before, there are already cameras watching the doors. Just put someone there to watch them, and if the person pressing the button still has full use of all their limbs, shoot them with a blow-dart.

Of course, there's also the obvious solution: STOP BEING SO FUCKING LAZY!

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