No Need To Get Emotional

It's been almost 2 months since I wrote my last article here. I had some problems in my personal life that demanded immediate attention, and they prevented me from having the time or inspiration to write anything. The emergency is over now, and I return today with even more vile rage-filled miasma than when I left, only my miasma doesn't carry disease; it carries a cure: the cure for the SUCK.

Since this is my first article after dealing with personal problems, it seems only fitting that I write about them in a round-about way. Don't worry, I'm not going soft on you; this is not going to be a tear jerking diatribe on how miserable my life has been for the last two months, depressingly asking for your pity, mercy and/or money. This is, in fact, going to be quite the opposite: a condemnation of the people who do just that. Most of those people are teenage middle-class kids whose lives aren't actually that bad, but who dwell on items of miniscule importance that happen to go against their ideal of perfect living. As I'm sure you've already figured out, this article is about emo kids.

I'm sure you've seen them wandering around, even if you don't recognize them immediately. They wear black lipstick and eyeliner (especially the boys), they dress in black, and they only seem to be able to listen to My Chemical Romance. If you see someone like this on the street and approach them for some reason and ask how their day has been going, they will likely try to convince you it's been the worst day in the history of the world because their Mom gave them a cheese sandwich instead of peanut butter like they asked for. Oh yeah, and they do it all under the guise of "expressing themselves."

The problem is obviously not that these kids actually have it tough; on the contrary, they have everything they could possibly need at that time of their life (except for self-respect, apparently). Lots of them have their own TV, XBox 360, a stereo, their own computer, and some even have their own car. Hell, they have more than I had growing up, and my life was good. As far as I can tell, the problem is that they have convinced themselves that what they have is not worth having, thus they must force themselves to be depressed about it.

What these kids need to do is learn how to be grateful for what they have, rather than contantly being disappointed that they have it. Your 35" TV is small? So what, you have a 35" TV! Your Mom didn't give you the right kind of sandwich? There are kids who don't have Moms, or enough money to eat lunch at all. Stop being such a fucking pussy!

Emo Poetry

My Mom drove me to school
In her expensive SUV
The birds were singing
A song of death

How can they fly so high
Surrounded by the human dirt
Embodied by my CD collection
And punctuated by our exhaust?

No love
No life
My heart is filled with nothingness
Because our middle-class house
Is too small to cry in
I should cut myself

To any emo kids who are thinking of cutting themselves because you think I'm picking on you (and I am, go ahead and do it), here's what's been going on in my life recently, and you can compare that to the perceived tragedy that is your own:

Of my four grandparents, one is in a veteran's home, one just had his 7th heart attack, one just had her hip replaced, and we're pretty sure the other has a bad pancreas. I have a great uncle with 6 months to live due to an inoperable growth, and a family friend who has bone cancer in her neck. Further, my Dad's flight school got randomly kicked out of one of their bases, and I've been fighting off an infection for almost 6 months now.

The selfish problems you're having suddenly don't seem so serious, do they. So while you've been moping and painting your nails black in a pseudo-rebelious demonstration of how shitty your life is, do you want to know what I've been doing? I've been celebrating the fact that I have 4 grandparents to care about. I've been helping my Dad with his business. I've been lending support to those who need it, while they do the same. Have I been complaining or whining? Fuck no.

I'm extremely lucky to still have all my grandparents, and I know it. My Dad's flight school is still open, my body will eventually get rid of what it's been fighting off, and in two months none of what's happened recently will even matter. Time marches on. Sure your life isn't perfect, but it never is, and yours is better than most, whether you like it or not.

The simple fact is the world doesn't need more sissies. So please, emo kids of the world, stop being such whiny bitches, or else get off the fence and slit your wrists already. You should be grateful for what you have, and until that happens, you're simply not worth knowing.

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