Clean Car Resolution

Well, it's that time of year again: Time for people to get in to drunken fistfights with strangers because they don't like the look of the other person's face; Time for binge eating and projectile vomiting (if done right); Time for staying up way too late and molesting the first person of the opposite sex you see at midnight; Most importantly, it's time for people to resolve to do things and then completely ignore them.

That's right, I'm doing two holiday articles in a row. Are you freaked right the fuck out yet? No? That's okay, neither am I. But I have $4000 in holiday swag and money to keep me company, so I think I'll get over it. Last year I said everyone should resolve to take care of their bodies, because study said that by 2008 73% of Americans would be obese. Judging by my last trip over the border, that resolution failed with flying colours, so I have a new one for you all that's much easier to keep to.

I hereby declare that 2008 shall be the year of people cleaning off their cars from snow before driving. You'd think this would fall in the realm of common sense, wouldn't you? I mean, if there's snow on your car, it only makes sense to clean it off before you go anywhere in it. Sadly, this is somehow not the case. Instead, most people clean off their windows. That's it. And that is a crime against society.

I'm going to give you four very good reasons to clean the snow from your car as completely as possible before driving anywhere in it:

  1. You will save lots of money. Snow has weight, and the more weight on/in your car, the more gas it takes to move it. Gas costs money, so by saving gas you are by extension saving money. Depending on how much snowfall your car sees, you could be saving upwards of $20 a year. Do you know how much money that is over 50 years? $1000. That's a lot of money you could be saving.
  2. You should have some pride in your vehicle. Your car cost a lot of money. Unless you're a spoiled brat who got a car from Daddy for graduating high school because your parents are convinced that's the end of the line for you (and yes, that's the reason), odds are you earned and spent that money. That means you earned your vehicle. Further, you continue to pay for gas, insurance and maintenance. Doesn't it make sense after spending all that money that people should see it as it is intended to be seen?
  3. Common courtesy. If you don't clean the snow off your car, one of two things can happen. Either it stays on your car, or it gets blown by the wind on to the cars behind you, inconveniencing them and potentially causing an accident. We live in a society where we supposedly care about each other, and part of that is looking out for each other's welfare. That means you should do things that enhance other people's safety, and that means you should finish cleaning your fucking car.
  4. Depending where you are, it is illegal to not clean off all the snow. That's right, in some places it is against the law to drive around with a car that has snow on it, because of the third point I listed above. If you leave half a foot of snow on top of your van so that on the highway you look like a comet causing whiteouts for vehicles behind and beside you, you are a danger on the road, and you could face the police for it depending where you live.

Now, I'll freely admit that a few years ago I was one of the people who would only clean the windows and let the rest of the snow blow off my car on the road. I did it because it was easier and I could get on my way faster. You know what that time difference is though? About 4 minutes. I timed it. And my car has a roof-rack, so it's harder to clean than yours probably is.

The moral of the story? Everyone should resolve to always keep their car as snow-free as possible. This is an easy resolution to keep, too, because in most places snow only matters for 3 or 4 months of the year anyway, if that much. If you don't want to make this resolution for yourself, then do it for your car: just because you suck, that's no reason your car has to.

Clean your fucking car!

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