Changing Lanes In Mid Scream

Driving is an enormous part of our lives. There's just no getting around it. Every day, we spend more and more time behind the wheel, even though half the drivers out there don't know anything more about their car than "I push the pedal on the right and it goes faster. R is for REALLY FAST!" Take the rules of the road, for example. One of the rules is that you must share the road with your fellow driver. I can't remember the last time that actually happened.

You know, there are so many ways bad drivers piss me off that I could probably fuel this entire site on nothing but rants against arrogant, insolent, ignorant drivers for the rest of the year. Seriously, the criteria for gaining a driver's license should be a lot more strict. In my perfect world, gaining a driver's license would be about as difficult and time-consuming as getting a pilot's license. But I digress.

So you're driving down the road, and it occurs to you that you need to be in the other lane. Conveniently, there is a space there. You signal just like you're supposed to, and all is going right in the world. This is where the disparity between what should happen and what does happen rears its ugly head.

What should happen is that you turn on your turn signal, the driver behind you in the lane you're moving in to is made aware of your intentions, and you move smoothly in to the lane.

What does happen is that you turn on your turn signal, and the driver behind you in the lane you're moving in to says to him/herself "OH NO YOU DON'T YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE IF YOU WANT IN THIS LANE YOU GET YOUR ASS BEHIND ME LIKE I GET BEHIND MY BOSS TO LICK HIS TIGHT LITTLE ASSHOLE" and speeds up to close the spot where you want to merge to.

First of all, the law says you must share the road with your fellow drivers. Go ahead and look it up. If someone wants to merge on to the highway, you are legally obligated to get your fat ass out of the way. Similarly, if someone wants to change lanes, you are obligated to allow them to do so.

So why don't people do that? Fuck if I know. It's more of an inconvenience to stop you than it is to let you in. They have to realise you're trying to move in front of them, and then make a concerted effort to prevent you from doing it, using up both their own energy and their car's fuel, thus costing them money. The closest thing I have to an explanation is that it all comes down to greed.

Ah greed, my most favouritest of human vices. The desire to have more than someone else does. Is there anything more selfish in this world than greed? In this case it's not even something tangible, it's a fucking spot in line. I guess lines are so rare in this day and age that it's a novelty to be in one, and fuck anyone who wants an earlier spot in it than they have. So they go out of their way to screw you over.

So what's the solution? Rather than finding a way to educate people on driving etiquette (by which I mean the fucking law), we have been left to figure out our own solution to this problem. Our collective solution is to not signal our intentions, and just move there instead. Or, we signal half a second before we move. This is an apparently reasonable solution because the use of a signal is not to remind you where you're going; you know already. The point of signalling is to let others know where you're going so they can prepare accordingly. By not signalling, they don't get the chance to prepare by cutting you off.

Here's a better solution: signal your intention, and wait patiently for the person who's destined to be an assache to make his move. As he reaches the point about 5 feet behind you, very sharply and very suddenly (but still very safely because you're not a dick) swerve in to the lane, completing your lane change. Then wave to the car behind you for "graciously letting you in." If all goes well, you'll make the person behind you so mad that they forget to jump on the brake, and hit you from behind. Then it's up to them to explain why they broke the law in order to crash in to you. I love it when a plan comes together.

Discuss this article in the forums

Share:  
submit to reddit

Got something to say to me?