Wheels Are For Vehicles

So you're going to work. I know you don't want to, but you are anyway - just go with me on this. You're on your way to work, and you're walking through a pedestrian thoroughfare (road, train station, whatever) crowded with other people on their way to work. Be ready to dodge, because odds are some of them have rolling luggage behind them for no reason.

Rolling luggage (which I will arbitrarily call "rollage") is basically a bag with a telescoping handle at one end and wheels at the other, to allow you to drag it behind you or push it in front of you without having to carry the monstrous amount of shaving cream you've packed. I own a rollage bag myself, and I use it when I travel. The problem isn't the luggage, but how it's used.

Rollage was designed for people who need to carry a lot of stuff but are not strong enough to do so. Its intended use was travel; it's easier to get a huge bag to the airplane if it's on wheels, because then you can pull it instead of carrying it. So why the fuck do people feel the need to use them as daily work bags!?

Seriously, I can't count how many people I see every day on my way to work who are using rollage to carry their work stuff. I have actually spent time trying to think of a good reason for people to do this, and I always come up empty. Most useless ten seconds of my life, but I did eat some peanuts during them. Here's what I've got so far:

  1. I have too much to carry back and forth
  2. I'm not strong enough to carry it
  3. It's more convenient
  4. I'm an asshole
  5. I like pissing people off
  6. I'm a big huge hairy pussy

Let's deal with these in order, shall we?

  1. If you carry too much back and forth, why are you lugging all that shit around every day? I go to work with a book to read on the train, and a train ticket. That is all I need to get to work, do my job, and come home. You're lugging all this crap around every day, but how much of it actually leaves your bag in both places? Unless you use it in both places, there is no reason to carry it back and forth. If they're sensitive documents, your company should have a place to store them. If you have too much to carry back and forth, it's because you're stupid.
  2. You are so strong enough to carry it, I've seen you do it to go up the stairs. Stop lying to me. Stop it! ...good. Now, let's look at where that weight comes from, shall we? I take my stuff to work in a thin computer bag that weighs about one pound. Your rollage weighs about 5-10 pounds depending how big it is. That's probably more than the stuff you're toting around with you. You move the contents to a lighter bag, and *gasp* it's not so heavy any more! It's a problem of your own design. The real problem is that you're lazy.
  3. More convenient, eh? Let's think about this. Rather than a small bag that you get to sling over your shoulder or under your arm, you're lugging around a giant monstrosity that cost more than your car, has wheels which must be maintained, is at risk of tipping over if you go too fast, and more importantly, which gets in the way of other people. This, of course, is my biggest problem with rollage, and it leads nicely in to the next excuse:
  4. You certainly are an asshole. You could be moving around easily with a light little bag that holds only what you need for work, but instead you've packed a big heavy rolling bag with everything from work items to a siamese cat named Clover, and you're lugging it behind you. That bag takes up more space than you. ...well, it probably takes up more space than you... I've actually seen people waddle. You using that bag instead of a smaller personal bag is an inconvenience to everyone around you, which means yes, you are in fact an asshole. And I wear big shoes.
  5. No you don't you're not creative enough. If you liked pissing people off you'd be weaving back and forth spouting nonsense at high volume, smacking people in the ankles on purpose and carrying a trout. You're just so lazy that you can't be bothered to actually carry the things you're supposed to be carrying. And do you know why?
  6. ...I guess you do know why. Acceptance is the first step on the road to recovery. Your name is Asshole, and you're a pussy. Dicks everywhere are confused.

So what's the solution, you ask? It's so simple a five year old could do it (and most do, by the way). Only carry what you need, and do it in a bag you can actually carry. If you only use things at school work, leave them there. If you only use them at home, leave them at home. Put what's left in a bag small and light enough that you can carry it. Stop whining about actually carrying a bag being too hard, and suck it up; big huge hairy pussies aren't attractive.

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