In 2007, Suck By Not Sucking!

Yes, it's another new year. The Earth has gone another 938,900,000km in roughly a circle, ending up back where it started relative to the sun. Since some guy who got nailed to a cross once upon a time was born on not January 1, we call this the beginning of the new year. Another year of sucking.

So now you're probably asking yourself "how does he know the new year is going to suck?" The answer to that question, like most other questions, is deceptively simple: As a race, it's what we do.

The problem is that our lives have become so comfortable, and so easy, that we have progressed steadily over the last two hundred years toward a life of gluttony and sloth. I like to call it "a society of shitty." It's expected that 73% of Americans will be overweight or obese by 2008. You know what causes people to become overweight? Eating too much and doing fuck-all.

Shitty is so much the norm now that people are actually looked down upon for not sucking at life! Think about the phrases health nut, neat freak and fitness freak. Know what they mean? They mean that since you're actually taking care of yourself, you are not normal and deserve to be ridiculed for it.

So when did it become a sin to eat well, exercise, and keep your house in order? I think it began in the 1950s, when TVs started becoming prominent in people's houses. All of a sudden entertainment was literally sent through the air in to your home, meaning you could actually entertain yourself just by sitting in a chair and paying attention.

Today, society has gotten to the point where it is expected that people will be overweight by the age of 30, constantly aching by 45, and fighting for the ability to breathe by 60. Explain to me again how the healthy are the ones who deserve to be singled out and condescended upon.

If you're someone who makes resolutions for the new year, resolve this: I will not suck. I will improve my overall quality of life by eating better and spending less time idle and sitting on my ass, and more time doing things that actually make me a better person.

People who literally spend their entire day planted on their ass have no right to criticize those who are actually spending their time productively. You don't like that I eat well and exercise? Fuck you. Nobody asked your opinion anyway. Enjoy being overweight and having no energy, you lazy asshole.

Just watch TV and everything will be alright.  I promise.

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