How To Be Cold In Winter

Well, it's getting to be about that time again in the Northern Hemisphere: the days are short, the nights are long, Tommy Lee's member is still huge, and more importantly it's starting to get a little chilly out there. That's right, Winter is upon us.

Now, there's nothing wrong with it getting cold. Sure you have to bundle up a little more and turn the heat on in your car, but it's not really that bad, is it?

Well, that depends on who you ask, and right now you're asking me. Trust me, a little bit of cold makes it worse for everyone. Not because of the weather; Oh no, the weather is nice and bearable. The problem is the people who have no fucking idea how to survive in it.

You see, the concept is simple: if it's colder outside, wear more clothes so you stay warm. It's so simple it's mind-blowing how many stupid people don't understand the concept. Fortunately, it's a problem most people grow out of, because the majority of stupid offenders in this case are kids in high school.

Alright, it's time for a silent poll. Internally say Aye if you've ever gone outside in the cold with your coat not zipped up and no sweater. Now internally say Aye if you've ever gone outside in the cold in a T-shirt with no sweater or coat on. If you mentioned a body part, you've been stupid.

Why do people do this? Because they want to look cool, and it's a lot more cool to walk around with your clothes undone than it is to have your coat zipped up and a scarf around your neck. Just ask any high school kid who wears their pants around their knees. ...Actually, scratch that: just push them over instead and watch them try to stand back up. While they're struggling like infants, I'm going to tell you all a secret:

The weather doesn't give a shit how fucking cool you look!

If you dress for Summer when it's Winter, you're going to get sick, and nobody's going to give a shit because you have it coming to you. Would you rather look cool with the flu, or stay warm and be healthy?

Unfortunately, the second major group of offenders has been picked on a lot on this site in the past month or so: women. Thankfully, it's only a small portion of women, but the fact remains not too many men go around in Winter wearing a fucking miniskirt in the snow.

I honestly don't know the reasoning behind this choice... it doesn't make a stitch of sense to me. The only thing I can think of is that they need to wear a skirt for work, but the solution is once again so simple it's mind-blowing: Wear pants and take your skirt with you to change in to!

If it's cold, wear warm clothes. If you dress like a stupid high-schooler or a hooker, you're going to get what's coming to you whether you like it or not. And if you suck so much that you'd rather look good than take care of your body, you fucking deserve it.

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